Dud Sea Scrawls The Writing, clearly, is not on the wall!

What was Madhuri doing in Aaja Nachle? It might require more soul searching than NRI Madhuri Dixit can afford. I suppose the writer and director of the movie could answer the question. But had they, rather HE, had raised the question at the onset, Madhuri wouldn’t have been there. She wouldn’t have flown in to give interviews on Karan Johar Koffee show or judge and dance in Nach Baliye. Maybe after the movie was made, Madhuri could have been edited out.

If such a thing, I mean, editing was introduced, half of the movies in Indian cinema will require re-shoots. Their every reel could go into the recycle bins. Of the remaining half, most would end up as short movies: chopped to quarter of their intended lengths. A lot of people could loose their jobs. Item numbers, where scantily clad models, enter a village fair on buffalo, could become difficult to justify. Kid Roshan would have fewer scenes to cry. Salman Khan wouldn’t waste time in wearing shirts that fly off within two minutes of his on-screen appearance. If editing was introduced, sulekha.com and most of the blogger space would become like a wasteland: where crops can’t grow, for they require too much labor, and grass cannot exist, for it is uprooted like weed. In the interest of environment and unemployment issues, we must allow sloppy movies to exist. But that can be accomplished at lower costs. Why waste so much money over a Blue Sanwariya (that Dostoevsky has sued posthumously), have Madhuri in unedited version of Aaja Nachle, have Celina in Red when Mona Chopra can show more for less money in Red Swastik?

When I was a kid, I saw Ramleela in our village. It was entertaining . It installed local kids and men into a stage persona. The roles were well defined and the dialog was powerful. The audience fell awed, inspired, pious, happy and blissful. I guess it worked so well as they used a GOOD story written by Valmiki or Tulsidas, and modified it using their own interpretation and dialect. There were few props, local lighting schemes, and innovative intermissions. The Laila Majnu show enacted in Aaja Nachle is not worth the fake hair on the knitted tail of Ramleela’s monkeys. What was Madhuri doing in it anyway? Did it appeal to her? Did she say to herself, “Wow! My comeback movie has an awesome climax.” Did she think that she is the fairy Godmother of Cinderella fame? But then if she is the fairy, why is she the center of the movie? Hasn’t she read the bedtime stories for her daughters? Maybe she didn’t see the rational for making role of a fairy godmother fairly short.

In copying Rang De Basanti, the director forgot that in that movie, the audience invested interest in the “actors” of the re-enacted freedom struggle. While Aamir or Sidharth died, the role of the woman who inspired them was minimal (and she wasn’t saying Ishq, Ishq and dancing). These directors irritate my sensibility the most. Even when they copy from a great example, they make so many mistakes, that they fail to get the “just pass” score. Even if they manage to “just pass” using frame by frame transliteration of an English movie or scene, I find it incredible that they claim to be geniuses. If they are geniuses, every photo-copier machine or man working on it, is an equally respectable genius.

Konkona Sen Sharma is an awesome actress, Kunal, Irfan and Divya are good presences, but why are they wasting their time? They should have signed up for the same movie, rewritten, with Madhuri out of the frame, director replaced and songs reduced to silence. To expect a logic, a flow is considered a sin for a Bollywood enthusiast. I am a Bollywood enthusiast, and if I am supposed to like Aaja Nachle or Neal n Nikki or KANK or Tara Rum Pum, I don’t understand why I must not equally favor Mithun movies like Chandaal, Shapath or C-grade movies like Sparsh - The Touch? If I want to suspend disbelief, I will rather watch Rajnikant defy age, gravity, quantum and classical mechanics as well as laws that govern intelligence of chimpanzees, than cheer for a cast, a director that is an eyesore to me after all the lies they serve during the publicity.

Madhuri, no offense, but even your dance moves were cliched, as was the theme song of this movie. You actually looked very average as a heroine, and looked ridiculous in the play Laila Majnu. Perhaps you need to get back to theater and learn new tricks. You are pretty, but we have too many pretty dancers who can give you run for money now. Aunty Madhuri, you must learn to distinguish between good and bad scripts. We, who liked you once, pined for you when you left, but we have grown up, and we have grown out of it. Unfortunately, you need a role like Saagar, but if you plan to copy Saagar, you will need to do it right. Yes! You might have thought that all of India is dying to see you, but since you left, we have acquired better taste, actresses and directors. We almost have!

Would you please request the Director to edit you out of Aaja Nachle in the DVD release? The controversy will sell the DVD, and trust me neither the flow of the movie nor the story would be affected. If you expect us to give a standing ovation to the movie or Laila Majnu enacted in the movie or to your performance, Forget it! If you think we are too lazy to think while watching your movie, we are even lazier when it comes to Standing up and saying: What nonsense! or Applause, Applause!