Dud Sea Scrawls The Writing, clearly, is not on the wall!

(Ah, finally! Being on DSS is paying off for pradzie!)

Well, yeah, pradzie is a great guy (albeit a bit shy), and I am quite sure he can evoke his mallu genes if the occasion demands.

Now, how do we go about this?
Pradzie? You wanna send in your biodata first, as a gentleman aughta do? Do take a shot - this might be a match made in heaven, from HC’s description of the girl.
(Do be sure it includes a pic of you in the traditional lungi, as being a hardcore mallu is going to stand you in good stead here)

Pradz,

I shall finally be undiplomatic and reveal to you why I push for IW’s baraat and not so much at yours.
1. As the adage goes - jo baccha rota hai, usiko pehle doodh milta hai. And boy, does IW cry about his singularity! I suspect that he will eventually shame us all into hunting for a suitable girl for him, and being farsighted, I am already working on it.
2. IW is unfortunately a ghaati, unlike you who are a mallu, by God’s grace. As the world knows (and as one of my mallu classmates used to proudly proclaim) - mallus are just full of sex and sex appeal. The world also knows that in terms of sex appeal, us ghaati guys lack as much on it as ghaati girls shine with it. Hence, in terms of needing a push, IW needs it much more than you do.
3. I did not think you would accept help, because as my other mallu friend used to say - “sher hamesha shikar khud key dam pe karta hai!”. As of now, IW is doing his internship in becoming that sher in the land of shers, singa-pore. When he graduates from there, he should be ready to go prowling on his own.

Besides, I had absolutely no idea that ananth, kculon and nemo were single and eligible. So, if you find it appropriate, I shall advocate your cause to the eligible girls here (I don’t know if that will further your cause or only cause your cause to retrogress, instead, as you guys are fully aware that about 73.58% of girls here have gotten into a comment-tiff with me sometime or the other)

IMO, college kids happily passing ribald remarks among themselves are no less mature than, say, a head of state who convinces his country that their well-being lies in dropping bombs on a nation that has never attacked them.

Yet, why does society not equate maturity with the former, but does it most willingly in the latter?

This is because our ability to sense maturity (whether in ourselves or others) has become absurdly limited to the mere identification of a certain choice of words, with a specific type of behaviour and body language, with a certain dress code and diction. (And perhaps with some other personal likes thrown in for good measure).

And the moment we see the absence of the qualities that make up the stereotype of the mature male, we jump up to say, ah, THATS not mature!

IMO, this does not have as much to do with DMB girls or immature guys, as much as it has to do with one’s mind being influenced by the social stereotype of the inane male, a stereotype that shines with such power and glare, that it obscures the other things that may be visible. Clearly, in this example, only the stereotype has been seen, and nothing else.

And to be sure, a stereotype creates or evokes another.
As this one immediately brings to mind the stereotype of the DMB girl - to be sure, the stereotype of the DMB girl is shining brightly here, as well. One could almost make a statement, that from the stereotype of the DMB female, the stereotype of the inane male is perpetuated and maintained. And vice versa.

Perhaps, maturity lies in living a life beyond stereotypes.

Stereotypes are images of the mind, and we humans seem to be limited to idol worship (or condemnation), never actually seeing the one that the idol is associated with.

I think, without exception, we are all reasonably pathetic, in the end.

I think I’ll give my friend a holler, and we both will go and faff around somewhere, and talk about hindi movies and about that new actress with that most wholesome and shiny derriere.

I am trying to picture myself leading a desi-female lych-mob Maybe in another life. It sounds is a goal worth post-poning moksha for

Amusing blog and the comments here !!! Very amusing !! As some one who indulges in atleast one chain mail with atleast one group of friends : from school, UG, PG every month and as some one who makes it a point to dig up these relics which ever place I go to and indulge in backslapping .. a interpretation from a unaccounted for’s POV is very amusing !!!

HC .. dont be too quick to make such sweeping statements : “I had to wonder if their lives were so empty that they needed a relic from the past to imbue it with a sense of purpose and fullness” “I left feeling that the state of jejune juvenilia is permanent with the desi-male” Keep wondering and feeling and pondering than deciding on these !

I wonder what fills life ! I wonder what gives purpose and fullness to life !

Relics from the past !!!! I got to look myself in the mirror when I indulge in these mail exchanges next time !

HC,
You couldn’t have chosen a better timing for this post while im chewing on content for the continuation of my next blog. I couldn’t help smiling that you had infiltrated (unknowingly of course) into an all guy group and were secretly serving yourself ladles of guy talk.

“wonder if their lives were so empty that they needed a relic from the past to imbue it with a sense of purpose and fullness”….

relic is a good word and i must say yes to what you were meaning here. For these are fellows we spent the dying teen years with, laughed, learnt and did the stupidest of things, sang loudly, crushed for the same girls, teased professors, bunked classes, chalkfights and then at the end went seperate ways. While we didn’t think much of it then, when you meet the same fellow years later, you are… no wait, guys are bound to use familiar lingo, and as conversation starters engage in verbal duals to warm up. I mean, seriously if you were looking for sophisticated and an eclectic discourse, make no mistake, you’ll get that too. Just announce yourself to the group!

Moreover, haven’t you heard the adage ‘boys will be boys’?

Certainly.
You might still agree with me that there are many more “emancipated” women indulging in desi-male-bashing than those who adopt a more balanced outlook.
And this is not a gender war - it is simply a worrying social trend that I pointed out. One cannot call the identification of a social trend as a gender war or be in denial on the existence of this social trend among the wannabe liberated women.

And such a trend unfortunately has far-reaching consequences for society. I believe the roots of this lie again in the women’s lib movement that began in the western countries, where male bashing was seen as the sign of liberation. Even this is undeniable, if one looks at feminist literature. One walks away feeling that it is impossible to be a feminist without running down guys.

Men and women need to be more understanding of each other - we live in an era where rapidly shifting socio-cultural paradigms are putting both the genders in difficult positions all the time. Women have their sets of problems, and so do men.
The relationship must be affectionate and happy - not one in which one repeatedly identifies negative qualities of the opposite gender.
There has to be a collaborative approach to meeting the problems of contemporary society.

@ your statement “Who cares what the girls think of us? Let us boys be boys…”

I agree fully.

However, my concern is not so much for the boys as much as it is for the girls who seem to be suffering from this specific malady of seeing only negative things in desi males.

The extent of this disease of negative perception will be brought out if you try to seriously answer the question I asked earlier - when was the last time you heard a girl speak positively of desi guys as a group?
However, you will note that they speak disparagingly of desi guys all the time.

This negative perception does not bode well for the girls (and neither for society, if you consider how women actually indoctrinate the next generation) - desi society is headed towards dysfunctional families, if girls internalize this negative perception of desi guys.

Consider this specific post, for example.
The guys are merely bonding with each other (which is seriously nothing even remotely negative).
Yet, even this simple and harmless act of friendship/networking is seen in a negative light by desi girls.
What does this tell one?
Is this attitude not the definite precursor of dysfunctional relationships between guys and girls?
How exactly is a girl going to be able to relate with guys in a healthy manner, if she sees negative things in something as harmless as this?

i belong to the age group you mentioned but not to any high end institutions. college is the first place from home where usually ‘sky is limit’ and there are many idiotic things one does with friends. the camaraderie that one experiences at this age is hardly found in the current work places. the warm fuzz one gets while in aim less, politically and socially incorrect talks with college friends is difficult to explain. there is no need to pretend to be someone else. but just because one talks bullshit in these avenues does not mean the person is incapable of sensible talk.

HC,
I believe your observation of the facts is accurate, and your interpretation is uncharitable. I believe the unfair interpretation arises from not having an inside view of the “old-boy’s network”, and thats completely understandable. These virtual old-boy’s groups are a new phenomenon, of our age (entirely different from the clubs that people used to hang out at, in the pre-BBS and pre-internet eras) - hence the way they operate is not fully understood.
There are some old-world paradigms, and some entirely new ones, too.

Old College and school friends hang out with each other because they like to hang out with each other. If they do not have anything of substance to talk about, even then they still give each other a holler.
Its called keeping in touch.
(Personally, I find it charming when someone gives me a holler without any agenda whatsoever. I think the modern world is too conditioned by its ideas of what is of consequence, and what is mature and what becomes who. I find the buckwass that happens at DSS charming, too - even though it touches the extremes of inanities sometimes. In that playfulness, there is profundity, IMO)

Now, why one should keep in touch (or does keep in touch) with old friends - that is something that is a different subject, and I think I do not want to gloss over it here.

About people not talking anything mature and of substance -

I am sure you recall that even in college and schools there were larger groups and there were subgroups. Anything of substance is normally not discussed in public zones - it is typically only broached there and then the conversation is carried to private emails.

Today, I accidentally find myself a member of at least 4 virtual alumni groups, and on the surface, the groups function exactly as you observe - non-substantial talk.

However, I have been amazed to find the undercurrents (the private conversations within the groups) to be enormously significant. There are some very serious conversations, discussions, plans of actions on various subjects.
And the deepest layer of these undercurrents is of those who actually act, not just talk.
Accordingly, in all of these subgroups, there are people who are getting together for various purposes - some to form common interest groups. We have a bird-watching group (now, I am quite sure there are some who do not find birdwatching as something responsible or mature enough to suit a man who has bills to pay, but what the hell!), a civic responsibilities group, a group that goes and helps street kids - and probably other groups that I don’t even know about, because I did not interact on some subject that led to the formation of that private sub-group.

Some alumni friends I interacted with - I was amazed to see the kind of things they were doing by networking.
Its in various layers. Some surface layers are inane, and the deeper layers are substantial.

To see only one side would be to miss the larger and more complete picture.