There Is Something About Mary
Wed, 2006-04-19 08:27 — India Whining
Can u loosen your shirt a bit sir ?
I do as i am told & unbutton my shirt (not fully, just the top 2 buttons). She pulls my collar back & slips a small towel underneath covering my neck & shoulders. I close my eyes & sink deeper in the chair, readying myself to be pampered over a wash,cut & blow under the dexterous hands of my hair stylist (??). Calling her just a barber somehow doesn’t seems fair. I guess, an average barber doesn’t dress up in a noodle strap top & bum hugging denim shorts. Nor does an average barber displays a hint of cleavage and generous amounts of waxed legs. I try & be polite enuff not to linger my gaze for far too long, but in the finitesimal moment that my eyes gets locked on her bosom, I can’t help but notice a delectable black mole placed strategically on her left boob. Its hard to resist the temptation of inspecting (the mole I mean, not the boob) a bit longer, but years of practiced restraint comes to my rescue & much against my inquisitive nature, I close my eyes firmly shut.
She sprays few squirts of shampoo on her palms and starts spreading it over my scalp. She digs her nails hard enuff for me to be awakened from my self induced mock slumber. My eyes are open once again as I inspect her maneuvers from the mirror. The pain induced by her sharp nails is pleasurable & she is kind enuff to alternate between using her nails, knuckles & the soft tips of her fingers. She slowly picks up the pace, therez no stopping her as she strums up a tune by tapping her fingers playfully on top of my head.
Outside the salon, a board announces invitingly “Light Massage Included”. Am about to be treated to one. Her hands now move down towards the base of my neck & shoulder blades. She comments about how hard my muscles are underneath & asks me if I am feeling stressed lately. I nod in affirmative & compliment her by saying that I am already feeling relaxed thanx to her deft ministrations. She perks up & works even more furiously on dissolving the knots in my shoulder.
With a tap on my shoulders she signals me to move towards the washing area. I lie down on my back.. resting my head in the sink (??) . She comes up from behind, i can see the top of her head from my prostate position. She has a pleasant smile on her face. I guessestimate her to be about 25/26 years old. She starts washing my hair. The shampoo is drained off off under the steady stream of cold shower. Some of the lather flies off and settles on my eye lids, she is alert to that, and wipes it off gently using the corner of the towel.
She squeezes out the excess water from the tips of my hair..the step that follows next is kinda silly (if u are guy i.e). She wraps a huge pink towel around my wet head so that water doesn’t drip onto my shirt. I get up & make my way back to the chair, mindful of not making eye-contact with anyone. She once again takes her position behind my back, removes the towel & rubs off excess water from my hair.
How do you want it Sir ??
Short at the sides & back, medium at the top.
I give her my usual 1 line brief on my hair style. She ruffles my hair lovingly and says that I have lovely hair. I can handle any other compliment, but when someone says nice things about my hair, then I really know that the person is lying. I don’t blame her really, its all part of her customer service talk I guess. I don’t feel like challenging her compliment & instead I just roll my eyes & laugh it off amidst an expression which says “Awww C’mon. U are kidding right ?”. She is in mood for banter, i decide to play along.
Finished reading Ur newspaper ?? Any interesting news ??
Nothing much really, I just scanned the sports section.
Yalla, guys always like that, reading back to the front. I always like front to back (giggles)
U have done some hair styling course ??
Course ? yes 2 years course..
2 years !! U mean U go to class & cut hair everyday for 2 years ??
No lah.. not for 2 years.. Cut hair for 6 months only.
I am convinced that she has what it takes to trust my hair in her hands, so I don’t probe further on course syllabus, how much marks she scored, how much experience she has etc etc.
Last time there was a lady here, I use to always cut my hair from her.. Don’t see her these days.
U like her ah ?? (giggles)
Aiyaah not like her, as in “like her”. I like the way she cut my hair.
Same lah.. why U so shy ?
Not shy laah, just polite. Funny that I never got around to ask her name..
U didn’t ask me my name too..
I was going to, but how can I ask direct ??
Why meh ?? U can ask me direct, No problem..I very friendly leh..
Alright then.. what’s Ur name ??
Mary.. Nice ah ??
Mary.. Hmmmmmm.. (I am undecided, what to say next)
Say lah U don’t like Mary.. I don’t like myself. Its no good..
Why ?? people call you Mother Mary ?? is that why U don’t like it ??
Actually I was just bluffing. Mary is not my real name. What’s Ur name ?? Are U Peter ?? or John ??
By now I had got a fair idea that this Mary..or whoever that she is, she is taking me for a ride. But i decide to keep it real & tell her my real name. She tries to pronounce it & fails. I help her by making her repeat after me slowly.
I am Agnes. (She announces freshly in a more serious tone)
Go ahead, say it..let me hear how U call my name..
Agnes..(I utter in a soft tone) do I say it right ??
“Ummmm Yes” (she beams..)
Do U have a Chinese name as well ??
(She nods in the mirror, and says) “Jing Jing” ..
Agnes Jing Jing.. (i say it aloud much to her amusement & delight.She claps her hands in approval)
What’s your Chinese name ??
Aiyaah how can ?? I am Indian. I don’t have any Chinese name.
We are now on home stretch, my hair is almost done, she is just snipping away a hair here.. a lock there. By this time I have told her that I don’t have a wife.. I cook.. I have lots of patience.. I work in IT. No, I don’t make/sell anti-virus software or computer games. In short, over the hair cut she has managed to extract half of my life story.
Next time when I come, I will look for You.
Why meh ?? U like me ??
No lah.. I like the way U cut my hair..
My colleague also good meh. Same team. Just like Ur office, when U not around your colleague covers for you. Same here, when I not around my colleague cut your hair. Teamwork laah..
No laah,Ur work different. More artistic laah. More skill laah. No two hands are same.. (I insist, that next time I want her to cut my hair, no one else will do. The “artistic” compliment seems to have its desired effect. She is pleased)
Can Can.U look for me. No problem. Remember, I am Agnes haah !! don’t look for Mary (winks).
I smile, pay the money to Agnes’s boss & walk out. Therez no tipping system in Singapore, so Agnes missed out on a generous tip. I think she definitely deserved it. As I walked back towards home I was feeling bit light headed. I guess that was partly because of the head & shoulder massage, partly because of the hair cut & mostly because of Agnes’s playful silly banter. Next time around, she wants to color my hair in shades of dark chocolate, she feels it would look good on me. I can’t wait for my hair to grow long again.
Moral Of The Story : This moral is only for the guys (like Anantha). If u are cutting your hair from a (male) barber, then you are really missing out a lot in life. Believe me guys, Uni-sex salons are the best things to have happened in the evolution of ‘man’kind 
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The Dangers of Multi-Ardhanginism
With this world becoming what it is, chances are that when you have two ardhangis, they will find a larger double bed to share between the both of them, and banish you to the smaller single bed, from where you can only watch their cavorting from a distance.
Now, that would be compounding the problem of those raging hormones that are obviously cooking your brain.
As for awadti and nawadti, you have to realize that these terms were never used by the king himself. No man was ever man enough to have two simultaneous wives and declare one as his favourite.
These terms were simply a conspiracy by others who wanted the king out of their way. Think - when you dont like the king, you just tell one of his wives that she has been designated as the nawadti by the king. The king would be done for, and the throne would be yours without bloodshed.
The correct approach for the king to take was to tell every ardhangi (in private) that she is the awadti and the rest are nawadti.
Secondly, you overlook the fact that the same woman can be awadti in some respects and nawadti in others.
What would you call a queen who is totally ill-mannered but absolutely delectable in bed, vis-a-vis another queen who is an absolutely brilliant cook, and loving, yet doesnt tickle your eyes so much?
Next thing we know, you will be demanding four wives, as per that sanskrit shloka - Bhojeshu maata, karyeshu Mantri, shayyeshu rambha, etc, etc.
So, my adolescent friend, cease and desist from ever designating a woman in the ways that you are fantasizing. She can be awadti and nawadti at the same time.
The biggest argument against such a practice is - if you call any woman nawadti, she is bound to crush your head with a blunt club, sooner or later.
And you don’t wanna take a panga with someone who can crush your head while you are fast asleep, trust me.
Even worse, you might be bobbitted. That would dash your hopes of being a complete man, wouldn’t it?
Be afraid.
Be very afraid…
Correction
When a guy marries, he marries his ardhangi.
Ergo, he ceases to be a mere guy - he becomes a more complete entity.
Then he stops turning into the out and out crackpot that IW is threatening to become, if left unchecked.
For IW- belated wishes!
“Mary.. Nice ah ??
Mary.. Hmmmmmm.. (I am undecided, what to say next)
Say lah U don’t like Mary.. I don’t like myself. Its no good..
Why ?? people call you Mother Mary ?? is that why U don’t like it ??
…..I am Agnes.”
Agnes was my second choice for a screen name:-)
IW,
Belated wishes, on winning the (well-deserved)prestigious Award!
Was a fun blog…the enthusiasm seems contagious!!
(And speaking of ‘unisex’ salons…somehow, my very capable Vietnamese manicurist/pedicurist does not excite me, this much with “his touch”:-)
But, should not to be too surprising…the things “only” a woman can do with her ‘right touch and moves’…are indeed magical (I am told!)and can make a man…well let us say, he is putty (like clay) in her hands!!
Well, all kidding aside..glad you had a good time…
Inspite of all the gadgets…as humans, (most) are so deprived for the “genuine, caring, even sensual” human touch (professional and non-professional)…it certainly is so important…for our survival/well-being..emotionally and physically.
Hope you get a lot more:-) And learn all the skills, and use it with Mrs.IW..and make her turn into putty, in your hands!!
Maria
For Maria - of falling standards
I ain’t lookin’ for praise or pity
I ain’t comin’ ‘round searchin’ for a crutch
I just want someone to talk to
And a little of that Human Touch
Just a little of that Human Touch
[ Human Touch - Bruce Springsteen ]
>> learn all the skills, and use it with Mrs.IW..and make her turn into putty, in your hands!!
Do you know how hard it is for a single guy to learn such skills ?? I have been eyeing those Training Courses which teach Massage. The thing is, they are mostly targetted at couples & one needs to register in pairs. If i were to enlist, I might have to take a mannequin or an inflatable doll along with me for hands-on training. Imagine the kind of stares I would get from my co-passengers when they see me chugging a life-sized doll en-route to the Massage Classes !! **Shudder** Naaah, I guess I will have to wait till i get married to learn such skills.
Thanx for Ur wishes. To be quite frank, I am not exactly thrilled on winning this award. If u look around, U will notice, the heavyweight bloggers of the yore like Tocsin, Buck, Void, Pradzie etc. are no where to be seen. So in absence of any worthy competition, it comes as little surprise that a lightweight like me got the award! The writing standards & public tastes, they surely are falling.. **sigh** Look no further
Complete Man..
Going by that theory of Ardhangi, you guys will have to find 2 gurls to make a complete man out of me. As of now, i am not even half a man to make someone else complete..
I have already chosen 1 gurl out of my own free will, she is Laalu (Blushing Blushing). You guys being my elders & well-wishers, I give you full authority to select the 2nd gurl. In anycase, during ancient times, a King always use to have 2 Queens, One being the Aaawadti & the other being Naawadti..
Glossary:
Aawadti : She is the prettiest of the lot. She is the kings object of affection. She has the king, all but wrapped around her well manicured finger.
Naawadti : she is usually not so good looking & is kinda wicked. Maybe the King marries her just for the sake of annexing additional kingdoms. He doesn’t really loves her. However, to honour the marital vows, the King does sleep with her aswell. (but reluctantly & certainly not as frequently as he does with Aawadti)
Pehle
Pehle iski shaadi kara do!
You guys are simply not appreciating the dangers of keeping such a guy alive!
errr
alive or single . Pliss to clarify
corollary
if he was married, he’d be dead!
Award Acceptance Speech
Whoaah, I am feeling the full force of my extended dysfunctional family. The terrible twins (Sal & Scary), the half sister (Scout) , the obsessive Maai (Ano) & the lafangaa Baap (Asuph) all have showered their blessings & love on this post. I am truly humbled & overjoyed. My cup filleth over. I honestly didn’t anticipate that a simple hair cut would kick up such a storm !!
Thanx guys for Ur kind words. Special thanx to Atraa for his creative digs, without his comments this blog wouldn’t have scaled such notorious heights. (Laalou dearie, I will thank you in private)
The Superblog 2006 goes to IW!
I’m sure of that. No one can surpass this easily, and most won’t even try.
IW, that was a great job, amazingly alive narration, rotfl and all that… The star is born(again)!
And now the customary, unsolicited tips:
the mole I mean..
Anything after that is spoon feeding, IMO.
Can you believe it? That’s it! One friggin half-criticism for a whole long blog.
cheers,
asuph.
Damn these hairdressers!!
DH went to have his hair cut..this chinese hairdresser(gal ofcourse) asks DH..
“So what languages do u speak?”
DH goes…”Hindi,Telugu etc etc”
She replies “naanu ninna premisthene” !!!!!!!! (I love u in telugu)
What is this world coming to???!!!
Aside, superb blog
laugh-riot!
must-read blog - super hit of 2006!
IW:)
Boss ab yeh din dekhna padh raha hai:)!!
Pink towel jing jing,
After haircut IW sing sing:)
(Dost, I am laughing away to glory,
If u come u US, Mary will be gori:)
Jing Chaak Jing..
>> If u come u US, Mary will be gori
Gori Ho Yaa Kaali Ho..
Seene Se Lagaane Waali Ho..
Mil Jaa Ye, Gar Mil Jaa Ye Humdum..
Taraaa Rum Pum Pum..Jing Chaak Jing.. Taaraa Rum Pum Pum..
Vivekbabu aapki hauslaa-afzaai ke liye shukriyaa.
And Jing Jing??!!??
Her name is seriously Jing Jing??? Can you imagine what would happen if you were to perchance, marry her? “Jing Jing India Whining”….sounds like a jingle, nai? Very musical!
I hereby approve, IW - and with this, you have the approval of the entire dysfunctional parivaar to forge ahead with this marriage - we will only be too happy to add some jing…er..zing..into our lives!
The last to jump on the bandwagon....
…..I may be, but seriously, IW, that was a hilarious post!! You really should write more often! I was pretty much
through all of it!
And the comments…..!!!!! Brilliant! I don’t know what i enjoy more - your blogs or the comments they generate!
And yes - I noticed Scary and I get 15% - thank you, thank you my dear bhai!!! [sob]I forgive you now for not telling me all about your latest love story first…after all, blood is thicker than water and all that!
Atta boy Pino, I am sorry..
Sal yu bet, blood is thicker than water & wine
Arey how could I ever forget my adorable twins?? Raakhi ke kacche dhaage se bandhe huey rishte ko, koi Agnes..Phagnes.. Koi Aalu..Laalu tod nahi sakti. Family (& dys-functional family at that) always comes first. Tell U what,I am going to nominate Pino also in my will. U apologize to him on my behalf for missing out on that earlier. Atta boy Pino **Woof Woof**
and just how many percent...
….does Pino get? (no negative percentanges, ok?!!)
Hey Raam !
Now this adharmi IW has taken to telling people (starting with my innocent self) about where to find Ladyboys??
IW, please pardon my ignorance, but I am absolutely ignorant of what you are referring to when you say “ladyboys”. You must not surmise that everyone knows things that you have intimate knowledge of!
And frankly, I don’t want to know!
I am just a simple guy who tried to warn you for the sake of your health, and because I thought Lalou might find a half-decent husband.
I truly did not know that you possessed such excellent info on what you call…er…”Lady-boys”.
You betray yourself!
What is this Kalyug coming to?
I am wracked with guilt - How could I have recommended your proposal to that innocent Lalou! I shudder to think that you were planning to build a tomb for her!
Oh my god, forgive me, for I know not what I have done!
And don’t think I cannot bump you off in Sg!
Arrey, an old class-mate of mine runs a paan-shop on serangoon street as a front, and he likes to pop off those who stray from the path of indian culture!
If I tell him that you are into unindian ladyboys, then phhinnish! You will be gone, I tell you!
It is only my kind hearted compassion that does not let me take this action.
And, due to my god-fearing attitude, I believe that no sinner is beyond redemption.
If you promise to stop your dalliances with what you call…er… ….”ladyboys” and hajaams, and if you truly truly reform, and are nice to me, I will consider your change of heart and put in a good word for you, with any girl that is ready to have you (you will just have to shower first, of course).
Consider my offer! This is a golden chance - keep in mind that all virtuous indian girls, from kashmir to Kanyakumari, will consider my recommendation seriously.
But your repentence must be complete and not chalu-giri- that is my only humble expectation. Changing your blogs and comments is not going to change your inner self!
So, reform, reform! There is still some hope for you!
Hey Raavan !!
>> an old class-mate of mine runs a paan-shop on serangoon street
There he goes again, spreading malice & mis-information about my law abiding adopted country. First this self confessed Guru claims that Sg water is polluted with artifical flouride.. & Now he claims that his classmate owns a Paan Shop in Singapore !! A place where there is a ban on chewing gum. A place where you could be fined 100$ for spitting in Public place. In this clean,green & stainfree country, someone would be allowed to open a Paan Shop ?? !! So that people can chew, spit & stain the spotless streets & walls ?? I am now convinced that this guy has completely lost it.
Lies Utter lies.. thats what this guy tells. I will tell what the truth is. His friend doesnt own any Paan Shop Vop. His friend is a Hajaam.. I am quite sure it was Atraa who in first placed arranged to send his poor friend to work abroad with the promise that he would earn in dollars. I am quite sure that he would have got his “commision/cut/dalaali” in sending this poor friend to an alien land. Thats the only thing that keeps him going.. Money.. Money.. & More Money.I am quite sure that Atraa is the ring leader of a gang who lure poor un-suspecting gurls & boys from poor villages with a promise of bright future in foreign land, Only to push them in vice trade & illegal activities. [ Shame Shame Shame ]
So this friend of Atraa, comes to Singapore.. sets up his hajaam shop.. Faces stiff competition from the Uni-Sex salons having efficient & attractive ladies hair-dressers. Goes bankrupt.. Starts cursing Atraa for giving him such bad business idea of setting up a Hajaaam shop in Singapore !! Thats what this is all about. This is the reason why Atraa doesn’t like me going to Agnes’s of this world. I rest my case.
>> What is this Kalyug coming to?
Yes thats what I too want to know. The Raavan’s of the bygone era use to pine after Sita’s of the world.But this Kaliyugi Raavan Atra, he is after the Laxman’s of this modern world !! What is this world coming too really ? [Shame Shame Shame]
Its high time someone woke this Raavan up from his mythological slumber. Tell him that Akbar-Birbal-Eklavyas & their ancestors have since long closed shop & moved on & so should he. The only way to re-form & re-vitalize this serial offender is to get him enlisted for 3-day Scientology Detox Programme. The big hearted guy that I am, I am ready to sponsor this treatment for Atra. But he has to promise me that once he is cured..he will take good care of his legally wedded wife (my Vahinee) who he has since long neglected just because she didn’t bring hefty dowry in their marriage.
whoahh
My my, interesting to see the turn the blog’s comments have taken over some hair IW cut by jing jing.
Adharmi IW !
Whatever dude! Your virtual love story is phinnisshhed
Serves you right for calling me mehmood from padosan!
You, who plans to build tombs of an innocent girl who once accidentally thought of marrying you!
And what izzat and aabru of yours are you talking about?
The same one that you gave up to this smelly hazaam (as per your own words - “……I just gave my body to Agnes…”)?
Remember, altering your blog details now will not work - everyone has already read your admissions which you are trying to change now.
IW, you are an indian!
You should know that for an Indian man, his izzat is his everything.
Historically, Indian men have even chosen to jump in funeral pyres, rather than surrender their izzats to invading female armies. This is the glorious tradition of Zohar, of the virtuous Indian men!
And here you are, going to other foreign countries and happily giving your body to singaporean hajaams?? How could you blemish the glorious traditions of this extra-glorious land so?
What will our ancestors think?
All of India is ashamed of your debauchery in Singaporean massage parlors! This is kalyug, nothing more.
Ram, Ram, Ram! Adharm! Unnatural Adharma!
Your only option is to go bathe in the holy Ganga now, and hope that at least the divine water of the Holy Ganga maiya is able to wash of your sins, though I have my doubts.
Duraachaari Atraaa
U didn’t succeed in bumping me off in Sg’pore, so now U plan to kill me by making me bathe in the dirty waters of Ganga ?? Don’t we all know that Gangaaa has become Maili washing sins of Bhrastaachaari & Duraachaari men like you. Ab bol sorry, take Ur baaja-peti, roll-up Ur lungi & go back to ur writing desk & finish that story of Dog & the Ringing bell. U are not getting any Dalaali, not from Laalu.. and certainly not from me.
p.s. : I have updated the p.s. of “truth behind atraa’s lies”, go read it. Khudaa Haafiz. Am off for the day
The Truth Behind IW's blog
Thats it, IW! You have made a biiig mistake!
IW, Your love e-story is already PHINNISHED! Your climax will have to be solitary, now, in your chair at the hajaam-shop!
Now that your nefarious plans of building Lalou’s tomb have been uncovered, your true nature has been exposed. You have also admitted that you dont even need excuses like dahej to pop your unwitting biwi off.
Now, you will have to stay happy getting champi done from that guy agnes at your hajaam, and keep fantasizing that its a woman and not a guy who gives your the champi.
Does everyone know this?
Yes, its true! Agnes is actually a guy!
Here is the self-admitted proof!
IW says “…Last time there was a lady here, I use to always cut my hair from her…”
This is a giveaway - why would he say that there was a lady working here last, if this one was a lady, too, hm?
The truth is this -
IW is actually day dreaming that its a woman who is wearing shorts and noodle-tops, when it is probably a very hairy smelly hajaam.
Further proof of fabrication - agnes’ is supposed to be indian, her name is “jing-jing”.
How many of you know Indians called jing-jing?
Such an obvious lie!!!
The truth is now evident!
IW is a kidney-damaged dude whose fav past-time is getting champi from some hairy, smelly hajaam, and imagining that this hajaam is a sexy indian girl in shorts and noodle-tops.
So, based on this self-evident truth, I heartily recommend that Lalou drops all plans of courting IW, since he displays stinginess (no giving tips to the hajaam, under the pretext of “no tips in Sg”), and distinct perversion (imagining a hairy smelly hajaam as a sexy young woman). Tomorrow, god knows what he will imagine! There are further implications of what he means by admitting “…I just gave my body to Agnes…”, but lets not get into all that.
Shame on you and your perversions, IW! To think that you were trying to corrupt a sweet and innocent girl like Lalou!
The Truth Behind Atraa's Lies
>> Further proof of fabrication - agnes’ is supposed to be indian, her name is “jing-jingâ€. How many of you know Indians called jing-jing?
& stop spreading conspiracy theories that Sg’pore water is infested with artifical flouride. U thought U will scare me off from living in Singapore & that I would come running into your arms back in India ?? You even started this idea of starting some club.. Do u think we don’t know what happens behind the close doors of such clubs ?? Aaahh now all the pieces are falling in their place. Agar hum chaalu hein.. toh aap Mahaa-Chaalu ho guru.. Aapko toh hum dur hee se pranaam karte hein.. Thats it, I am applying for a restraining order from this guy first thing 2mmrw morning..
Okay first some clarifications for muddled souls like Atraa. Read the following exchange of dialogues..which have been re-produced with character pre-fixes, inorder to clear any doubts about nationality/sexuality..
IW : Do U have a Chinese name as well ??
GURL :(She nods in the mirror, and says) “Jing Jing†..
IW : Agnes Jing Jing.. (i say it aloud much to her amusement &
delight.She claps her hands in approval)
GURL : What’s your Chinese name ??
IW : Aiyaah how can ?? I am Indian. I don’t have any Chinese name.
I dunno where he got the idea that Agnes is supposed to be Indian.I guess this is a classic case of sour grapes.Since I refused to give 15% more he has resorted to maligning my character. Atraa seems to have the habit of paying monetary tips to the services that he avails from ladies. Whereas, I believe in giving respect,empowerment, dignity & smile in return of good service from women staff. He calls himself to be a well-wisher of Laalu. But,he didn’t even spare her. He is hellbent on claiming 15% even from her ? This poor gurl whose “would be” husband is lying on death bed.. Yet all that he is concerned is about his “Dalaali” [Shame Shame]
This phoney guru has time & again shown leaning towards single male bachelors. First he cast his evil eyes on poor Anantha. He was just a kid who wanted to eat his toffee.. Anantha is so scared of chocolates & Atraa that he hardly comes to DSS these days. When he couldn’t succeed with Anantha he targetted poor Pradz & his Cuckoo. Jab wahaa Dal nahi gali.. toh he turned towards me & my goat. Do you guys see a pattern developing here ?? Why doesn’t he go after any gurls ? why does he chases only single guys ?? On behalf of all single males on DSS I make a plea to the site-admin to look into this peculiar matter.. Afterall even we SMB’s (Single Male Bachelors) have our Izzaat & Aabru to worry about..
p.s. : Atraa, if U are really interested in (lady)boys, the place to look for is Thailand & not Singapore, so get off my case
IW
my dear ghati bro, selfless crusader for the singles out there, you really, really have a gift for writing. I loved reading this piece. Please write more..even if it means having to meet more Marys/Agnes…do it in the name of humanity
Scary
Finally some dignity..
Scary
am so glad to see u here.. Uff finally we have some dignity back in the comments section of my blog. I know i can always count on you for that. I miss u & your writing Scary.. Where have U been ??
Tomb!!!
Lalou,
Run for your life.
This chalu IW is already planning to build a tomb for you!
prem katha??
hahah!
IW dear, since you were planning to stay on Mars with your future me… Over here we dont make any tombs or statues, rather we recycle everything and give your remains to the sea. Thus the shark get food to eat, their kids too and so on… and thus too, you live on forever. Prem Kahani version Mars.
Too Chalu for Lalou
Lalou,
I am telling you - this IW does not seem to be an honourable chap, since he is planning have benaami property on the names of his goats and fish and cats and squirrels, instead of handing it over to you.
(I will tell you later, why IW is so much in love with his goats and fish and cats and squirrels).
I would say we are lucky that we found out the real truth about IW.
It is chaps like IW who will suddenly turn around at the altar and say, “Muzhey dahej mey ek bajaj scooter aur TV chahiye!”. I am sure you don’t want to be a dowry case!
I think you will be better off going directly for Rahul Bose, instead of via IW’s kidneys.
Or, we will look around - I am sure there are plenty of other eligible bachelors with damaged kidneys.
ROTFL!!! ok.. let me laugh
ROTFL!!!
ok.. let me laugh a good while then will announce my final decision! iw ke kidney ya kissi aur ke!
)
Reaching Climax..
Priye Praaneshwari..
I think we are now heading towards climax (of the movie i mean). This Atraaa.. he is the Taklu Mehmood from Padosan. U are the petite Saaira Baanu, he is trying to lead you off the track. I am the innocent Sunil Dutt & Pradzie my buddy is Kishore Kumar. I don’t want any scooter or TV. First thing, I can’t ride a scooter. 2nd thing, I don’t watch much of TV (just like my future Pa in Law).. when U are on my side why would I want to see that stupid TV ?? I will keep staring at Ur face all day.. all night long..
Praaneshwari?? ughie!
Praaneshwari??
ughie! and sunil dutt! i aint marrying any starry-eyed sunil dutt! going now… Cya later ppl
IW
No no no, this is something funny happening. You are being too chalu - nobody else is asking for cuts, except me, and I think you are trying to find a back-door method of saving your money.
And this, in spite of the fact that I organized for lalou to be in your life (er…whatever is left of it, at any rate).
This is a sad world - people want everything free. They are gathering terrible karma.
You would do well to follow the exalted example of lalou. Or I will propound a movement against you called “Too chalu for Lalou”
The analysis mafia
Arrey, then you should tell me no? That you want to keep things secretive!
Let me tell you, I am a very very cooperative chap.
Now, Lalou is giving me 15%.
From your side, I don’t mind giving you equal respect and accepting 15% from you also, in return for protection from the analysis-mafia.
If you are under my protection, nobody in his right mind will even think of analysing on you, whether Freudian or Jungian. Even if you become a full-blown-cuckoo, they will not dare to analyse you - if I am with you.
Think! Your haircuts will remain as simple haircuts, and will not translate into subliminal desires to give head to women named agnes.
Your chocolates will remain ordinary chocolates and will no longer represent repressed desires to have carnal knowledge of dark-skinned women.
What more can a chap want? I say, the 15% is fully worth it, my friend - after all, what is money for, if not to buy some peace of mind, hm?
And this is a special discount price for you, because you are my real good friend.
Think about it.
- atrakasya-bhai
PKTDK
Tera Tujhko Saump De
Thats gross injustice to her. She is afterall my “would-be byaahtaa patni”, I need to be fair to her. After I am gone, she alone has to look after our 3 dogs, 1 Cat, 1 Squirrel, 1 Goat & 2 Gold Fish. Poor thing my Laalu. No I am sorry, I can’t give U anything more. Jo karne hein woh kar.. Arey Pyaaar Kiyaa Toh Darnaa Kyaaa (PKTDK) haan ??
Kyaa Laagat Hein Mor ??
Meraa Mujh Mein Kuch Naahi
Jo Hovat Hein.. So Tor..
Bhai.. apun ko koi vaandaa nahi 15 % deneko..but where would that leave LL ?? By last count, she was left with just 25% (refer Ms. Insuarance Pie thread for the break-up) , if I were to give you 15 % more then she would be left with just 10%
my 80!
what happened to my 80!!! how come i am left with just that less?? yeh kya ho raha hain? you ppl are all taking away my money.. i aint sharing my indonesian rupiahs with anyone anymore!
nobody but the ‘dead state agent’ gets 15%.
IW, what’s this goat story?? i aint planning on smabhaloying a farm! are you crazy!!
hey iw
it is always nice to read your blogs, comments n buckwaas on sb. hope more writings flow from your fingertips.
usually when i am in ams, i wait until i visit my sister in leicester and get a 3 pound hair cut. only once did i go to a unisex salon, in Ams (no it is not near the ‘grocery’ area). she did a good job although she spoke only arabic and dutch and i neighter. but she took a long time to finish. i think it is nice to get hair cut by women once in a while. When I came back home soon afterwards, the first thing my wife asked was where did you get you hair cut, it looks very good. so in all likelihood women around you will like your new cut.
Thanx Suresh
>> i think it is nice to get hair cut by women once in a while..
)
My experiece with women (hairdressers i.e.) tells me that older they are.. the better(Older as in mature, between 28 to 40 yrs). The young guns are usually impatient & over smart. They just want to get it done in a jiffy & get back to their cellphones /ipods / foundation packs etc. (Agnes is an exception to this rule though
IW
You gave head to agnes????
Atra,
eversince U mercilessly dissected Anantha’s innocent act of eyeing a 5 Star chocolate bar, I am bit vary of talking with you. I am very sure you will find some hidden meaning behind my innocent words. So I won’t reply to your question explictly as in Yes or No.
Lalou
Arrey baba, see, there are some people who cant get off untill they pay for it. Remember Hugh grant? IW seems to have taken after him.
Besides, you are aiming for rahul bose’s company, and IW’s insurance money (not his love). So why worry?
Even if pradzie wants a further cut, fear not! Pradzie is easily manageable. I will take him to a barber who is an ex-bhai, and uses his scissors and ustara for cutting things other than hair. Anyone who goes to him (even once) doesnt ever go to any other saloon (or anywhere else, for that matter)!
Atra!
hmm… ok then we dont call off the deal eh? Let IW have his many haircuts at every Agnes’ of Sg, doesnt matter a jiffyyyy!!
ROTFL@ ex bhai barber! hehehhehehe!
OK then your 15% still intact
no worries!
IW x(
you’ve been cheating on meeeeeee
( waaahhhh 
( me’s away for a day or two, there suffering badly of some weird fever and you get a haircut from your gf!! 
((((( waaahhh I’ll tell my… guru! Atraaa 
Agnes..(I utter in a soft tone)
now this Agnes ying ying ki ladki will get all my money
( what do i do??? 
( what’s this soft tone all about eh?? waaahhhh Booohoooo 
(
ps: aside, i love going for haircuts too. cant imagine how ppl think of going to the hairdresser as a huge chore.
Oii my Louve my Pumpkin
Oii my Louve my Pumpkin Pieee,
I ain’t do no cheating veeting honey. I just gave my body to Agnes.. while my heart, my soul, my life insurance poilicy all i give to U & U only.I didn’t even give my whole body.. I just gave my head, neck & shoulders to Agnes.The rest of the body, which includes my caring heart & the invaluable kidneys, still belong to you. So fikar not & rest easy.
As a token of my true love I am sending you 100 packets of Kachuua-Chaap Macchar Agarbatti. If that doesn’t convince you of my honest intentions, then nothing else will.
how long
have u had dem aggarbatti’s . Did you check the expiry date. just watching out from my fren here. Nope I am not taking a cut in ur insurance
bye bye Ms. Insuarance Pie..
Billy , I didn’t buy them off the shelf, I got them Custom built with the purest of pure natural molecules (using my molecular guru atra’s secret recipe) . Nothing but the best for my Martian mate. No play play one I tell yu
After she pays for my state funeral.. My statue.. My tombstone.. Taxes etc etc. I am just wondering how much loan she would need to take to cover all of the above expenses 
25% surely isn’t going to be enuff !!
Psssst.. the insuarance pie is getting smaller & smaller with each passing day. Last nite i was going over the figures. The latest figures read like this..
Atra for devising this scheme : 15 %
Pradzie for his water contracts : 15 %
Terrible Twins - Sal & Scary : 15 % each = 30 %
DSS Parivaar : 15 %
Grand Total of above : 75 %
That leaves just 25% for poor LL
thx Bilbsie
NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY I GET SO LESS!! JUST BECAUSE you’re becoming my patti for a lil while, doesnt mean you decide how i share/spend my money IWWWWWW!!! ewwwwww
Bilbo, thx for the expiry date thingie, will check those out. what if the chaloo chez is sending me stuff tht’ll take me to hell along with him! sheeshhh
people these days!
@IW, what tomb??!!! what statue???
Amar Prem
>> what tomb??!!! what statue???
Arey what tomb what ?? Haven’t u heard of Taj Mahal, the symbol of undying love that Shahjahan built for his favourite Mumtaz. I am hoping for something similar.. though not necessarily that grand
Thanx Bill..Pradz..Anantha
Billy, am glad that I could spread some cheer
But like the great guru atraa says.. its all about angles right ?? Maybe chay clicked the snap at an angle which did bit of injustice to Ur hair 
“Laah” “Leh” is used extensively in “Singlish” (Singapore English), usually at the end of a sentence to emphasize/dramatize/personalize what U are saying.Thanx buddy for Ur comment..Btw, what makes U believe that I have got hairy legs 
Pradz.. with due respect, do u really have to visit a barber ?? The photographic evidence that Chay has produced.. suggest otherwise
Anantha.. the whole purpose of the MOS was to un-lurk you.. Why are u hiding man ?? Are U scared of La Louve ?? Is that why U are not surfacing these days ? Well to be quite honest, i too don’t like to speak much when I am having a hair-cut.. but like the title suggests, there was certainly something about Mary which made me to make an exception to that rule.. When someone is talking so sweetly.. U can’t just turn a deaf ear & pretend that U are sleeping right ??